I'm back, back again

I am in a fit for similes. Do you know what similes are?
sim·i·le Said: [sim-uh-lee]
a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly compared, as in “she is like a rose.”

I love these little paraffin gas bubbles that we explore in our daily lives. Starting with the basics: scared as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, I'm as scared as yawning with the chance of a salamander going into your mouth, nervous as a home schooled child at a bar, excited as a fat man winning a sports event, brighter then looking at the sun till you go blind, lazy as a lonely mam loosing his legs over world of warcraft, angry as angry people on YouTube. They are a daily escapade that come to mind and work in real life situations.

Whats next on the list, is also an english word that means: switching around first letters, middle letters, and so on and carry forth. (british accent) haha wow this makes no sense. But any who I enjoy doing this. An example is shopping cart, copping shart, mexican riviera, rexican miviara, jalapeno butter-squash, balapeno jutter-squash, I'm practicing to become a profesional switcharooser-pallu-darrooser.

And another thing... Bidets are the greatest ever! Lets put it this way, say your making yourself a delicious PB&J, for some reason your making it in the living room over the carpet. Suddenly a bird flies directly into the window. The sound scares the tarnation out of you, as a big dollip of peanut butter kerplops onto the carpet... First you pick up the globule and throw it away. What do you do next is pull out the Resolve and spray that stuff down then clean it up with a cloth. It's the same thing with using a bidet you don't get a paper towel and smear that peanut butter all over the carpet. You end up making a crusty mess. Please take my advice use a bidet and let your worries away. Lucky for you whoever reads this blessed material will now never be able to use toilet paper without thinking of this analogy and some day invest in a simple or complex bidet.